Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fuck appropriateness.
she smelled like a LAN party
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
