...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
