Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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