So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
