...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
