oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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