my mouth tastes like poor choices
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
