Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize