the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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