He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
