Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
