Yo dont text me then not text me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
