Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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