I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
