You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
