I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
