At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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