i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
