consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
