dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
