OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
