C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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