I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
