I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
