im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We are all done wearing pants today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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