hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize