What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
