I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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