I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
