"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I sprained my soul last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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