Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
