My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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