she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You took a bar mat shot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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