I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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