There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
