He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm just crazy horny about you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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