fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
