I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
