Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
