When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize