I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
