well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
