totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
