Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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