sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
