Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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