you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
