i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
