Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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