First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
