you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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