cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
