I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
