Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
