i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
