member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are two peas in an std pod
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
