come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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