He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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