At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
