i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
