if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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