I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
