i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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