Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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