You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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