Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
