Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
