It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
