what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
